Mom of One – Crap I’m Tired of Hearing

Mom of One – Crap I’m Tired of Hearing

I have one kid. A six year old daughter that I adore. No we don’t plan on having anymore. That was always the plan and it hasn’t changed. And, for some reason, everyone seems to have an opinion about that. And, quite frankly, I get sick of hearing about it. What I do with my uterus really isn’t anyone’s concern. Seriously folks I’m not new to this game. I didn’t have my first until I was 38 so I had a solid decade of “when are you going to have a baby?” already behind me by then. Enough already. This isn’t up for debate or even discussion with anyone but the people that reside in my house. I know that, for the most part, people don’t bring up the subject to be insensitive pricks. I mean come on, we are talking about babies here. People love babies. I get it. But we are also talking about a really personal and private decision and it would just be nice if people stopped and thought about that before they starting throwing these gems around:

When are you going to start working on another?

First off, how do you know we haven’t been working on another? I mean, in our case, we haven’t but you don’t know that. Maybe we have been trying for months or years.

I’m sure your daughter would love a brother or sister!

Maybe she would. Maybe she wouldn’t. Last week she loved tuna and this weeks she hates it…

Aren’t you afraid your daughter is going to end up spoiled since she’s an only child?

Make no mistake here, my daughter is spoiled. But here’s the thing – if we had another child we would have two spoiled kids.

Having two kids really doesn’t cost that much more.

Are you for real? Have you put your kid in any extra curricular activity lately? And can we talk about the cost of daycare?

I know your first baby was “difficult” but that means the next one would be easy.

Do you have some science to back that up? Or are you just using a magic 8 ball? And if that were true does that mean because my pregnancy and labour were pretty smooth my next one would be the worst thing ever?

Two kids are just easier than one. They play with each other.

No thanks. I’ve got enough on my plate that I don’t need to add referee to the mix.

But you’re such good parents you really should have more!

Thank you but no. Would I be as good of a parent as I am now if we threw another child into the mix? I’m not too sure about that. I already feel like I’m stretched pretty thin some days.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little boy too?

Sure little boys are awesome. Just like little girls. And they will both drive you bat shit crazy in their own special ways.

 

If you’re a mom (or dad) of one, are there things people say to you that make you shake your head too?

 

This article has 8 comments

  1. I absolutely understand. I have three kids, but we hear it too. The "you should try to have a boy" one usually. I also get the "you have three kids, you shouldn't have more". We don't plan on anymore, but it can still be rude and hurtful when people come out of the blue and tell you not to have kids. Its especially sticky for us because we had to make our decision based on health issues.
    My sister chose to only have one child, and she is constantly getting told she is failing her son by not giving him siblings. I really don't get why people think its okay to be so up in everyone else's reproductive and parenting business!
    Just keep being an awesome mom. Because you are totally right. Its not cheap or easy to raise more than one, and it doesn't stop. Even if you have another (or twins like I did), people immediately start asking when you are planning the next one!

  2. Don't get me started. Seriously. But since you brought it up,…

    I agree with everything you said and some. The statement " I know that, for the most part, people don’t bring up the subject to be insensitive pricks" hits especially close to home. I've lost a child and the comments that I get remind me to "think positive thoughts" on a regular basis.

    And we won't go into all the questions and comments I get because I had triplets.

    Humans have been doing this baby thing for a long time. While the process as a whole is nothing special, every baby is special. Great. Next. There are so many more things to talk about besides people's uterus'.

    Besos Sarah.
    My recent post WIN $1,000 in Groceries at the #FoodBasics #IWantItAll Event! #contest

  3. I'm also a parent of one but it wasn't by choice. I wanted more but it wasn't in my cards. So if I see someone who has only one child, I don't question them. Whether it's by choice or nature, they have one child and that's that. My sister-in-law is also parent to one, but she suffered through three heart-breaking miscarriages after the birth of her daughter. It would be so cruel and insensitive to say anything because parenting one child is not often by choice.

  4. I don't often get questioned about why we had just one kid anymore (my daughter is 11) but when she was much younger and I had returned to work a co-worker said "don't you worry that when you and your husband die that your daughter will be all alone?"  WTF.  No, I hadn't worried about that…until just then.   Some people just don't think before they speak.
    My recent post Whitewater Cooks with Passion: Cook With Me!

    • Oh wow. Just wow!

    • I actually hear that remark a few times. And it has actually made me feel guilty. I’m still indecisive about more children but the reality is, it is nearly impossible at rhis time and I can’t plan that the future will be easier. So I really hate all the comments. It doesn’t help

  5. Our son was 8 when our daughter was born, for YEARS we got all those questions!! We were planning on just 1, but surprise! After our daughter was born it was “Now you have your Million Dollar Family” I’m still trying to figure that one out… I totally agree, “My Uterus is MY business & ONLY my business”!!! It’s not like I’m going around telling everyone else they have to pay for/look after my kids, so why should they have an opinion?!

  6. I have a 6 yr old and I’ve had 3 miscarriages since he was born. I hear it all the time and I usually feel like bursting into tears it hurts so much. I’m an only child and have always hated it so having someone remind me (like I don’t already know) how much he’d love a sibling is like a kick in the face.

    Thanks for writing this.

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